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I hear three little words containing just 13 letters
of the alphabet that come from almost every woman I
work with. These 3 little words hold thousands and
maybe even millions of women prisoners in their own
lives. They have us do things we don't really want
to. They prevent us from doing the things we really
yearn to. They steal our dreams and our life energy.
They keep us small and add significantly to our
already stressful lives. These three powerful words
are 'should' and 'ought to'.
How frequently do the words 'should' and 'ought to'
come up during the course of your day? Have they
shown up at important times in your life? As in, I
really should exercise today, I really should take
this job, I really should go to this networking
event tonight, or this..although I'd really like to
________, I really ought to _________. You fill in
the blanks. These 13 letters, when used in these
contexts, take life energy from us. They can create
other feelings like resentment and guilt. They
take energy from us.
For now, it's enough to know they come from our
social or cultural conditioning. As powerful
motivators they push us into taking action, or not.
If we give in to our should's, we may be giving up
on what's really important to ourselves and that
starts an entirely different conversation with
ourselves. "If only I _______, I could have
__________."
Do you want to break free from the habit of 'shoulding'
yourself? Follow these few simple steps. The steps
are simple. Doing them can be the hard work. If
you've been doing this for years, you may be on
automatic pilot. So have patience with yourself and
with others too.
Step 1. Notice - Pay attention to when you 'should'
yourself (Notice - does not mean criticize or beat
yourself up about it. Just notice.)
Step 2. Pause to interrupt the habit of reacting to
your should Step 3. Choose a new reply or a new
course of action Step 4. Celebrate the energy
reversal or freedom that comes from doing what's
right for you
Here's an example to get you started FROM... I
really should go for a run because I'm supposed to,
it's run day.
WHAT'S THE IMPACT? Yuk! Feels like drudgery, might
push you forward but it's with a big effort. Likely
takes longer to get out there and run.
TO.......... It's run day. I'm excited to go for my
run today as it gives me more energy to help me
create a great day.
WHAT'S THE IMPACT? Do you feel the positive energy?
That pulls us forward and that saves more energy for
the run and gets us closer to the end result
benefits with less effort.
Now it's your turn. Take a moment to practice to
find an example from your own life?
Examining your 'shoulds' is more than simply turning
a frown upside down but this simple process can get
you started. Awareness of your conditioning, your
values, what's important to you and more, combined
with the willingness to make changes can put you on
the path of a more inspired life. On that path you
get to do more of what you're meant to and others
get to see more of your individual greatness.
Wishing you an inspired day!
Debbie Kemp is a professional coach and workshop
leader supporting other busy professional women to
stay connected to, and stand fully in, who they are
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